Dear Uncle Donald,
Don’t panic. I’m not your niece, Mary. I’m not really sure if we are related. Recently, a die-hard Republican I know told me he is distantly related to seven U.S. Presidents, including George Washington and Barack Obama.
I joked with him that I’m probably related to you, Mr. President, but then it dawned on me — My mother’s family is German and Swedish. My father’s is Scottish and Irish, so . . .
. . . can you send me more allowance? I spent the first $1200 on essentials, a small donation to Mr. Biden’s campaign, a T-shirt that says: “Person, woman, man, camera, TV, The Lincoln Project”, and some toys for my dogs.
I know you’re not a fan of dogs. Even a Golden Retriever would not be loyal to you.
Another $1200 would be quite nice. I need some new tires — Goodyear has a great deal right now.
Sincerely yours,
Ann G.
