Dear Donnie,

You have not turned in your home werk for the last two weeks.

I know that you have been mercilessly bullied by the left since your mispronunciation of “Yosemite.” They don’t know how hard you have been werking on your ‘silent e — long vowel’ grammar rule.

I think your speech writer deliberately tried to trip you up with a foreign word. You should fire him. Besides, maybe you’re right and every one else is wrong. The Miwoks probably do say “Yose-might”.

Your remedial reading teacher,

Miss Shene