Ann James
3 min readAug 9, 2022
russian olive tree grove in calzoncillos. a homeless person lived here once. it wasn’t alan asnen.

you have fulfilled your obligation to the planet k50=7k5'

we are returning you to your home planet, earth, norte america, nevada. . . ¿calzoncillos? are you sure that’s where you want to go?

yes, my daughter’s there. and my sisters. i haven’t seen them for . . . i donnae remember how long — a month, a year, a decade?

it’s been two months of your earth time. stop exaggerating. you know what to do.

por supuesto. tell them about the internet. tell them about me medium.coma.

no one cares about medium, stephanie. it’s gone.

gone? what is the date?

gogyrrm yjtrr yermyuyermyuyjtrr

in arabic numerals, por favor.

15 3 2023.

is that the month or the day first?

how many months do you have on earth, stephanie?

enero, febrero, marzo, abril, maya —

it was a rhetorical question, stephanie. to jog your memory. something is not quite right.

maya? is something happening in maya?

in earth years, yes, 2012, the reign of jaguar for 5,000 years. the return of Quetzalcóatl.

but the earth guardian will save us.

he can’t do it alone.

Ann James

Her writing muse lurks in the volcanic hills amidst mustangs, marmots and jackalopes. While hiking with her dogs, Ann stumbles upon stories of dark humor.