“Did you hear the news today, Dear?” Albert asked his wife as he sat down to their Sunday brunch of goldenrod eggs.

“Fae Paddy? Aye, sure Eh did. He stopped by here whilst you were at the pub.”

“Did he now?”

“An auld bampot he is. Blethering away. Cannae wait ta share bad news. He stood on the step, grinnin’ like an arse, and jumpin’ round foot ta foot like a wee boy needin’ ta pee.”